Deluge
by Sweet Valentine
Summary: Final Fantasy IV. Would all her companions meet the same fate; dying for the ones they loved, sacrificing themselves without a moment’s hesitation? Rydia muses on her losses. /Cecil, Rosa, Rydia, Kain/


**Disclaimer: I don't own the copyright to FFIV. I do own a copy of FFIV, but that doesn't count, sadly.**

**Deluge**

The flight back to Baron was impossibly long. She sat there, huddled against the mast with her arms crossed against her chest, jade hair whipping about her face torrentially, forcing herself to try and breathe. Yet, despite all her efforts, her body shook in violent hiccups; she tried to steady herself, but whenever she neared a calm, a fresh wave of memories would flood her senses, little pieces of her life with Yang pooling together in her mind, and tears would burst forth from her eyes again, streaking her reddened, swollen cheeks. She pressed her fist against her mouth, biting down on the knuckles to soften the sound of her mewling; she wasn't a child anymore, yet that was all they saw her as – young Rydia, the little caller. She needed to regain some semblance of control, she needed to master her emotions, rise above the childish need to curl up and sob; she was _stronger _than this.

And yet, she felt so hopelessly weak.

The loss of Yang had been a crushing blow; it was a wonder she had even managed to make it out of the Tower of Babil on her own two feet, so devastated she had been. The man had been a near-father to her in the short time she had known him as a child; kind-hearted Yang, who when in battle would take whatever blows were aimed at her small body; who would recount mythical stories of Fabul and its lore, reciting them to her at night before she would drift off and sleep. Sometimes, when the party had a moment to spare, he would show her some of his monk training, rehearsing the carefully practiced moves with grace and elegance. Her lithe frame had tried on a few occasions to mimic his actions, though she found quickly she lacked the strength to execute in the manner he had. He would laugh gently and encourage her to not give up.

"I'll stick to magic, I think," she would reply, but nonetheless she'd try again the next time he would offer.

And then, of course, there was the fact he'd risked his life to save hers, jumping after her when Leviathan had struck, nearly making it too, before she was swallowed up and taken away to the Underworld.

He had done it again, the stubbornly resilient man, only this time Rydia wasn't left wondering about his fate. It had been right there in front of her very eyes, a harsh, unyielding fact; she had seen the blinding light emanate from the tower's control room, and the realization had hit her so hard she collapsed unto her knees, weeping. It was Kain who finally scooped her up into his arms, fiercely whispering "We must make haste," before steadying her on her feet and leading them towards their path of descent. They'd sprinted out, doing their best to avoid any foul encounters, before being swept up by the man named Cid, soaring on an airship, just in the nick of time.

Rydia hadn't known him; the squat man with a full beard was…peculiar to say the least, but despite the fact that she was in his presence for a mere two minutes, his loss was no less distressing. So valiantly had the man sacrificed himself, and his offering served to remind her of Yang.

It was then she had collapsed into a heap, sobbing and shuddering against the mast of the airship, lamenting all those she had lost.

This was so much more, she realized, than simply Yang and Cid. Recollections of her mother surged in her mind, as well as those of Tellah (whose fate she had learned from Cecil after she had re-encountered his party in the Underworld; she had cried then too, and it was _Yang_ who had comforted her). Would all her companions meet the same fate; dying for the ones they loved, sacrificing themselves without a moment's hesitation?

"I should not wallow in self-pity," Rydia chided herself. They had given their lives for her to have a fighting chance; she should be honoring their sacrifice, not bemoaning it.

This time, her efforts to control her body were successful; her hiccupping died down into shallow breaths, and the tears ceased, a few remaining streaks of salty wetness drying on her stiff cheek. She raised her head to look towards the bow of the ship, spotting Cecil there, still at the wheel, dutifully guiding them to safer lands. There right by his side stood Rosa, one delicate hand resting upon his shoulder; how fascinating they were, thought Rydia. Neither spoke to one another, but the simple touch of one single hand said all that Rydia could have possibly fathomed needed being said. They both grieved as she did, though not as conspicuously as she; indeed, their pain may have been greater yet – it was easy to see that Cid was a long-standing and cherished companion of theirs.

Rosa leaned in, whispered something in Cecil's ear, and he nodded, turning to face her with a look that broke Rydia's heart – how in love they were!

_I had hoped to see your kids some day_. Cid's words reverberated in her ears, and she forced her eyes to wrench away from Cecil and Rosa, to any place _but_ them, lest tears should spring anew; she settled on the hem of her skirts, and stared diligently until the vision began to blur in her eyes.

A few moments passed and she felt a gentle hand gingerly stroking the emerald curls of her hair. Rydia started in surprise; it was only Rosa, kind and sweet, kneeling down at her side. Rydia had not even heard her approach.

"Rydia," she began shakily, "you look so weary." Rydia repressed a snort of laughter; she imagined she looked much worse than 'weary', but that was Rosa, ever tender.

"Cecil said it would be a while before we reach Baron – maybe you should go lie down in the ship's cabin," the older woman suggested, and wordlessly, Rydia nodded her head, and allowed the blonde to hoist her up to her feet. Rosa began to lead Rydia, but with a shake of her head, the green-haired girl stopped her.

"You should stay with Cecil."

Rosa hesitated, glancing back towards the bow of the ship where Cecil stood, composed and in control at the helm, before settling back on Rydia. "You are sure?" Rydia nodded, and tried to give what she thought was an encouraging smile to the other woman before turning and making her way down to the cabin by herself.

Her body ached. Every step was heavy and weighted down with grief, and Rydia relished in the thought of a warm bed to collapse into.

…She just needed to find where exactly the cabin was. The ship looked so big and winding, and she was in no state to navigate through the maze. Perhaps she should have accepted Rosa's help after all…

The minutes ticked by as she looked for the entrance to the cabin – just how hard was it to find, _really_ – but still, she had no luck. She didn't bother biting down an exasperated sigh, on the verge of breaking down again; was it so much to ask for _something_, no matter how trivial, to go _right?_

"Rydia?"

A deep, gruff voice from behind her startled her, and she turned to see Kain, arms resting against the outer railing of the _Enterprise,_ half-slumped forward over the edge of the ship. His face was turned to her ever so slightly, but his helm covered his eyes and she could not read his expression.

She opened her mouth to speak before hesitating – what on earth would she say? She had only just met up with the man (and fighting enemies while trying to stop an evil madman from mass destruction didn't allow them much time to play catch up). The first time they had met one each other, both had threatened to kill one another (even though she was the only one who had made good on the promise; she had really thought him dead because of Titan). Not to mention the fact he _was_ responsible for her mother's death.

…No, that wasn't fair. It was an accident, and Cecil was just as much involved with that as he. She had forgiven Cecil, hadn't she? And in the end, Kain had decided to help her and go against he king, and whatever suggestions he had previously were nullified. She – she couldn't be mad at him. She had no right.

Then again, he had betrayed them. She'd seen it with her own eyes; granted, her eyes and body were so young then, before she was taken to the Underworld. For so long (well, it seemed for her, at least), she had replayed the moment over in her head; had wondered what had made him do it, and she had determined that he really must have been the evil man she had thought him to be, since Mist. For so long, she had suffered from ignorance, stuck with the Eidolons (though, that wasn't to say she didn't enjoy their company – she did, very much). But she had spent so many years _not knowing_; not knowing what had driven Kain to such perform such an act of betrayal, not knowing of Rosa's own fate. It was horrible, that period of time.

But Kain…she watched him now, leaning across the railing, glancing out at the passing earth beneath them. She had heard the raw scream that had been wrenched from his throat, watched him break down as Cid, his comrade, leapt to die beneath them. He was just a man, simply human…and everyone made mistakes, didn't they? Could she really begrudge him, then? Rosa had explained it to her, when Rydia had asked the woman all about the circumstances of her captivity; Rosa had explained Golbez's power over Kain; Rydia didn't understand it at the time.

She felt that she understood a little more, now.

Awkwardness pervaded the air; neither said anything – Rydia struggled to find the words, and Kain waited silently for her to make a reply. When it seemed as if she was not going to speak at all, he stood upright and faced her head-on, asking, "Rydia, are you all right?"

It was a silly question she thought – how could any of them possibly be 'all right?' But still, the man was trying, and she supposed she ought to give him credit for that. She forced herself to look at him, and despite the fact his eyes were obscured from her view, he looked as if he were intently observing her person. Her cheeks burned with shame at the thought; she could only imagine that she looked absolutely wretched, with her wild curls tangled beyond belief, her eyes inflamed with bouts of tears, her cheeks, taut and sore and stained with sorrow's remnants. She sniffled a little, her nose stuffy, and she wiped away any excess moisture from her face with her sleeve.

"I'm looking for the cabin…I just need to lie down." Her voice sounded completely unlike her own, hoarse from screaming and sobbing.

He nodded, before pointed down the corridor behind her. "The last door on the left leads down to the cabin. Turn right to find an empty room." She tried her best to smile in thanks, and turned to leave before she heard him call her name again. "Rydia…"

She faced him, eyebrows raised curiously. He took two steps towards her before stopping, mouth opening and closing uncertainly as if he knew not what it was he wished to say. She allowed herself to take one step forward, and saw as she approached him the slightest trace of tears settled there upon his cheek. It made her almost feel validated – so he was good, after all. Only a good man could feel such pain for a fallen friend – the wicked felt no compassion. She would try to excuse his previous actions, look at the Kain she saw _now,_ in the present.

And yet…she felt as if she were an intruder. She wasn't supposed to see him like _this_.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she whispered, looking down at the planks of wood beneath her feet. She heard him shift before he let out a weary sigh.

"It's everyone's loss. I have no more claim to it than you." She swallowed, the lump in her throat thick and painful.

"You knew Cid better than I did. I – I imagine your suffering is worse than mine."

Kain remained silent for a few moments before turning and resuming his former position on the railing of the _Enterprise _again, looking out at the sky. Rydia was resolved to take that as her cue to leave, but he surprised her when he spoke again.

"Cid was a good man. Eccentric, yes, and highly entertaining, but his sense of justice was near unrivaled. I am privileged to have known him…and to be able to call him a 'friend.'" His voice was low and soft, but his tone was so open and honest that Rydia felt her heart break even more for him. She thought about Rosa and Cecil, and the image of them standing at the helm of the ship, Rosa's hand upon Cecil's shoulder, burned in her mind. It was a small gesture on Rosa's part, to be sure, but it was one that seemed to provide immense comfort to both.

Unsure, Rydia crept nearer, outstretched her hand, fingers outstretched toward the metal plates of Kain's shoulder; would he even feel her presence there, she wondered fleetingly, or would the only sensation be that of cold mythril beneath her fingers?

He moved suddenly, standing back from the arm rail and turning to face her. Frightened and embarrassed, she swiftly, she withdrew her hand, pulling it to her face in an act of brushing back her hair. He seemed to have not noticed anything was remiss, even though Rydia was sure her cheeks were redder than ever. She kept her eyes glued to the floor, fearing that her new shame would make her an even bigger emotional wreck than before; goodness, she just needed to go and lie down. If only she could get her feet to cooperate with the rest of her body, uproot them from the floor planks they were planted to. She inhaled shakily.

A warm hand on the bare skin her shoulder made her heart flutter wildly and forced her head up in surprise. He was standing there, so close to her, his fingers lightly caressing. Well that was…unexpected. She flushed further, the warmth of his skin on hers sending electric pulses through her body, shivers down her spine. He looked at her, concern etched in the contours of his face, and in that moment she desperately wanted to know the color of his eyes.

"You should get some rest," he told her, voice near a whisper, and she nodded. Reluctantly, she turned away, and concentrated acutely on the sensation of his fingers sliding down her back as she stepped from out of his reach.

She made her way to the cabin door, and opened it, revealing a hallway with several more doors. She frowned slightly – Kain had said to go the right, hadn't he? She began walking down the corridor, and upon reaching the first door to the right, hesitantly brought her hand to the knob and opened; she sighed in relief when she found that Kain's counsel had proven to be reliable, and she stood in an empty room with a comfortable, if rather smallish, looking bed. With one last glance down the hall she made to enter the room, but stopped when a plaque on the door near the end of the corridor caught her eye.

CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS, it read, and she felt another pang of sadness.

She wondered about what kinds of things she might find in Cid's room. She hadn't even known the man – perhaps, as more time passed, she would ask the others about him; it felt like such a shame to watch the man die so valiantly without even knowing anything about him.

…That wasn't true. She knew he was obviously a mechanic, and a pilot. That was a start. He had also mentioned a daughter, hadn't he? Regardless, it wasn't _enough_. Rydia just didn't think it was right to watch a person die without knowing _who they were_. During the course of her life, Rydia had always made it a habit to remember all those she had lost, even if it was just a small part of them that she recalled.

…Yang was an honorable man and she didn't need anyone telling her that fact – it was unspoken, in the way he moved and spoke. He was the husband of a charming, strong woman (though Rydia didn't know his wife's name…how could they be expected to break the news to the woman? She felt a twinge of anger at Yang, delegating such a horrible task to them). He was a monk; he was the closest person she had to a father (her own dying when she was so very young, she could not even recall what he looked like).

And if Yang had been like a father, Tellah was a grandfather. She had always thought the old man was…well, _funny._ He just had a way about him, with his dusty glasses and his oversized nose; he had often made her smile. It saddened her, to hear that his anger had gotten the better of him, had led to his final (and fatal) act of revenge. She still remembered him as kind, if not peculiar.

Her mother sang a lullaby to Rydia every night, to lull her to sleep; slender fingers would trace patterns along her arms and back. Rydia recalled the sensation, almost a light tickling, those soft fingers pressed against her own skin. Sometimes, when she couldn't sleep at night, Rydia would mimic the motion, run her fingers along the skin on the inside of her arm, but it never really was the same. She missed that terribly.

She felt something brush against her from behind, starting with the ends of the curls of her hair and drifting downward to her back, which was concealed by the thinnest of emerald cloth; for a second her breath hitched in her throat, and she was certain that her mother's ghost had sprung to life, heard her sad reminiscing, had come to entreat her daughter to one more ritual lullaby. But Rydia knew that was impossible – this touch was warm and alive, and undeniably pleasant.

She shivered at the sensation, wishing people would stop surprising her with sudden contact like that. She swiveled her head and saw Kain standing there. He gave her a wry smile.

"And here I had thought you had simply fallen asleep standing up."

Rydia felt her cheeks grow hot. "How long have you been there, exactly?" She asked, warily. His grin grew, and she secretly liked the fact she could at least see his lips.

"Long enough," he answered vaguely.

"I was just…thinking," she explained.

"Apparently."

Her lips pouted slightly, but forced herself to keep her eyes on his face and not turn away with shame once again; damn her cheeks, her body, for giving away her emotions so easily! His hand was still on her back, and he used it to give her a gentle nudge into her room, towards the bed.

"Get some rest. We'll reach Baron soon enough."

She complied, shuffling into the room and falling onto the bed in a completely graceless fashion – she swore she heard him snort with laughter. He turned to leave, but her mouth was moving quicker than her mind.

"Kain," she started, and before she could stop herself out flew, "will you tell me about Cid?" She hadn't meant it to come out like that, so abruptly. Her timing was horrible, and the look he gave her when he glanced back made her stomach drop and left her feeling as if she had committed an atrocious sin.

He was silent for a few moments before saying, "Perhaps tomorrow."

"Yes, that's what I meant – I mean, I didn't mean for it to come out like – well, I know it's still really soon…" she was stammering now, angry with herself for being so insensitive, but he simply raised a hand to silence her.

"It's all right, Rydia."

The tiniest of smiles graced his face as he took his leave of her, pulling the door shut behind him. She found the corners of her own mouth tugging upward, relieved that he had not faulted her for her transgression; she would take him up on his offer. She slipped under the warm comforter, pulling the cloth tight around her body, cocooning herself into its warmth. She closed her tired eyes and saw her mother there, lullaby and all; she smiled.

No, things weren't completely 'all right' now –

But soon enough, they would be.


End file.
